Adieu Old Navy

Today was my last day at Old Slavery. I decided I would write a letter with all my recommendations for bettering the business, now that I won't be there. I was also looking through the employee newsletter, called "Behind the Seams" (seriously), and found a million editorial mistakes. So I, in full copy editing mode from the other job, took a pen to it and corrected it.

WTF? I mean, is this a multi million dollar (even billion?) company or what?

So, I'm going to photocopy my mark-ups and send them to my old store, the editor of the newsletter, the president, and the CEO.

What else? Oh, we had a grand old time making fun of the clothes. Hold on. Let me get some pics and I'll add my comments on the side.

MY COMMENTS:


"Help me Obi Wan. You're my only hope...Help me Obi Wan. You're my only hope...Help me--"



You see what I mean?

You know that LensCrafters commercial for transitions lenses and the people are all in the future wearing futuristic clothes? That's where this shirt came from.


So that was fun to chat about for a smidge. Then we moved on to the dresses. Some of them are very cute. Some are just hideous.


Hideous.

Case in point---------->

Seriously.

What the FROCK are they thinking?

My joke is that when you buy this dress you get a pack of Virginia Slims Menthol and some Poland Springs Coffee Brandy as your gift with purchase. Optional accessories include a football kicked into the yard by the neighborhood kids. When you wear this dress, you'll have to have a Solo cup filled with coffee brandy mixed with half n' half and ice, a Virginia Slim hangin' out of your mouth, and the football raised over your head so you can go around yelling, "Whose is this? Whose is this?!!! I'm keeping this. I'm keeping this! No more balls in my yard! No more balls!!!"

Is it any shock that the moomoos are half price?

Next are the new jeans. Actually everything about them is quite clever. Nice little marketing campaign with the different names for the styles. And the ones called "Sweetheart" are actually good. Several women walked out of the fitting room with broad smiles and high piles for every shade.

I've renamed the denim line to be what they really should be named:

Diva=Slut

Sweetheart=Prude

Goddess=High Maintenance

Flirt=Co(k Tease

Oh, I shall miss making fun of the hideous clothes and transparent marketing ploys.

I still have my discount for another week. I'm spending like crazy after pay day.

So, anyway, Adieu Old Navy. It was a great exactly two years. (Weird, eh? That seems like so long ago.)

Good night,
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