Some people have a thing about hospitals. I've never really cared one way or the other. Some don't like public bathrooms--my bladder is too small for such fussiness. But I'll tell you what I do hate more than any place in the world: the effing airport. Not all of them. Just Logan, to be specific.
First the signs to go in. It's like Sanskrit or something. I get turrets just apporaching in the tunnel. Missing entrances and driving around in circles like the Griswolds on the roundabout in London. Today was beautiful in the tunnel, by the way. For absolutely no reason whatsoever, in the afternoon, it was bumper to bumper and took an hour to get from the entrance of the tunnel to the terminals. For no reason. No accidents. No closed lanes. Nothing. Just because.
Then there's the friendly personnel--oh wait, there is no such thing as a friendly person at Logan. It's like, "Welcome to Boston, land of the major db's. They don't call us Massholes for nothing."
Then there's the delightful people who are definitely in a bigger hurry than you so they cut you in the TSA line of bull. Why the line of bull? Because my moisturizer and my hand sanitizer, even though they meet the very tiny sized liquid container standards, must be in a plastic bag, otherwise they need to be thrown away. And why was I going through security in the first place? Because of the UNMR (unaccompanied minor)- my cousin - I brought to the airport. For some reason, she successfully boarded in Raleigh, without anyone, and without paying the UNMR fee, and with three tubs of shampoo and conditioner, without any problem. But her shampoo and conditioner clearly needed to be chucked in Boston, because they're not putting up with that crap. Nor could she get on the plane without first paying the $100 fee. She was literally held hostage at the airport, not allowed to board until the credit card of her grandfather's made it through the system to pay the extra money.
Then I wasn't allowed to leave the boarding gate until her plane took off. However, no one was able to notify me precisely when that was. So, after about 15 minutes after she got through the gate, after I stood in line to find out the status and watched everyone be as nasty as possible to everyone else, I just left. It was crap.
I especially loved the woman who went to the ATM machine and blocked the entrance to the ATMs with her 2 suitcases, as if she was the only person who needed to use the area. I just stepped to the sideof them; my purse almost knocking one of them over. I wish it had.
Also, I love the people who are constantly on their cell phones as they're also supposed to be boarding the plane or getting their tickets. Seriously. That's not rude. That's really rather lovely. It's liek Carrie said in SATC when she gets shoulder bumped on Wall Street, "Ooooohh. YOu're sooooo BUSY!" I wanted to say that, but I refrained. I refrained from saying a lot of things. That's why this blog entry is so long and pointless. I am venting. It feels good to get it out.
I especially would like to mention the lovely people at the ticket counter. THey're so helpful. And parking is easy. Just go up to the 5th floor but be sure to pay in the terminal beforehand and it's 5 dollars for every hour.
And be sure to have the 3.50 in tolls to merely leave the airport.
Not to mention the awesome people who run you over to get to the same elevator or escalator and you all end up at the same place at basically the same time anyway.
My favorite phrase today was when a disgruntled American Airlines employee started yelling at a distraught foreign passenger and told him to call a phone # to reschedule his flight. He asked if she would call for him, you know since he's foreign and perhaps doesn't have a cell phone and doesn't understand English that well. He asked, "You will not call this for me?" "No, sir, you call the number." I don't know what he said back but he wasn't happy. And she yelled, to her boss, "How is that my problem?" Um, because that's what you do as part of your job desciption--get people to their flights. A-hole. That was just so indicative of the entire sordid affair.
Honestly. I think you have to be a jerk to work for American Airlines. No wonder they're going under. Customer service is crap, crap, crap. CRAP.
I much prefer flying from Providence. It's more laid back. On balance, it takes about the same time to get there, considering the lack of traffic down there as opposed to up here, and I'm usually flying Southwest or JetBlue if I'm going there. Those airlines are down-to-earth, basic but--in my experience--incredibly friendly, too.
Anyway, thank goodness Macy's Liquors doesn't close until 11 on Thursdays. Today is the type of day that, once I get home from the lib, I don't just need a glass, I need a giant bowl of red.
Here's to not having to go to the airport--until August--and again in October--oh f*&^k.
THE END
