This Week in WTF - Gainesville Mayor Arrested for Nudity

Hooray for Wonkette for providing this link:

http://old.accessnorthga.com/banners/officialdocuments/Musselwhite.incrept.pdf

This is the best police report in the history of the world. Former Gainesville Georgia Mayor Mark Musselwhite was arrested for nudity. He was drunk and camping. Oh my giddy gumdrops. As I noted in my comments on the Wonkette, this makes me wanna go camping in Georgia real real bad.

Best line: "[I] ASKED HIM IF HE'D DO THAT AT WALMART HE SAID NO HE WOULDN'T."

This Week in WTF - Uh, Sprite, what are you trying to say?

Have you seen the Sprite commercial where 2 groups of guys are on either side of an outdoor basketball on a really hot day and they look menacingly at each other then run into each and become giant bursts of water? Uhh, okay. Wtf is that supposed to mean? If I drink a Sprite then aggressively chest bump my enemy on a hot day, we'll become aqua? Sounds...really really stupid.

I can't find a link yet, and maybe never will but I just wanted to say...

This Week in WTF - porcelain Michelle Obama doll

Someone - the Danbury Mint, in fact - has manufactured a freakishly life-like Michelle Obama porcelin collector's doll. How did I find this? Because Random Ads show up to the right of my Facebook homepage, as they do for you I'm sure, and this was one of them. I clicked out fo morbid curiousity.

And now I'm freaked.

This Week in WTF - Brett Michaels Is Awesome

Did you see this? After Lip Synching his way through a Tony Awards appearance, Brett Michaels linger too long in the glory of the stage and TOTALLY WIPES OUT because a scene drop goes BLAM! on his head.

Here's the link but it will get pulled from terms of use, I'm sure.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GvEIEVaagVE

If it doesn't work, just google "youtube brett michaels tony awards".

The awesomeness knows no bounds.

This Week in AWESOME - 500 Plus Pounds of Pot at Costco

"Police seized more than 500 pounds of marijuana when officials broke up a large-scale narcotics delivery" at a Costco parking lot in Danvers.

Seriously.

More info:
http://www.boston.com/news/local/breaking_news/2009/05/five_arrested_5.html

This Week in WTF - Uro Club

This is kind of an older commercial but I just saw it recently. Wrong on so so so many levels.



Get it? "URO", as in urologist and urine and Europe, where people are weird?

This Week in WTF: Rumsfeld Plays with Page Maker & the Bible

In the first days of the Iraq War, Rumsfeld would bring by the daily briefings himself in person. The covers had photos from the war and quotes from the Bible. Not only is this creepy in the way is smacks of the Crusades, but the covers were done rather poorly and look terribly cheesy. The JUXTAPOSITION (SAT word!) is unnerving: here's a war we went to on a sham, executed awfully poorly in its first years and the guy in charge is fiddling around with PageMaker, or maybe just Paint, and jacking up the steps on his pedometer by bringing it by in person, instead of, say, monitoring the infrastructure of the country we've waged war against.

GQ has the story and the photo slide show of the cover:

http://men.style.com/gq/features/topsecret

Oh well! Live and learn*!


*Learn this election cycle, forget it in in 2-3 election cycles and have the political offspring of these cockups back in charge again in a vicious, 1984-like circle of ineptitude.

This Week in WTF - THIEVES!!!!!!!

Thievery! Thiefs! Not fair! ARRRGGGHHHH! Olbermann!!!!!!

Keith Olbermann has taken my idea of "This Week in WTF" and tweaked it for his own sinister purposes and calls it the "WTF Moment".

STEALERS!

I demand at minimum a nod of thanks for the idea. This is bullshisse. I mean, they obv. rd. my blog. So, they totally got the idea from me. Cheeky bastids.

This Week in WTF: Still in Weymouth

And here's my WTF Weymouth Story of the Day:

Daisy the Dog and I went to Friendly's and got a gallon of ice cream and a waffle cone for her. We waited in the pick up window line, which was a mile long. Daisy made friends with some nice girls also in line -- probably high school kids. Once I got her waffle cone, I let her show off to her new friends and we did twirls and jumps. Daisy will get on her hind legs for food and also twirl on her hind legs for food. Very cute. Not at all WTFfy. Just normal.

BUT THEN on the way back, as we walked by the gas station I stopped short. All of the sudden, a distinct odor was in the air. Musky, like Spring, only more potent, like...WEED. I looked in the gas attendant little room and there was the gas station kid, smoking a joint. I gave him a chin nod and a smirk and he waved and gave me a chin nod too. Then I shook my head and kept going. Ah, Weymouth, where people smoke js in plain sight as if this is Jamaica or something.

This Week in WTF: My Sucky Luck

One May Day, from the hours of 7 AM to 10 AM, invloved the following things:

1 burst pipe/ hose thing from the toilet
2 inches of water flooding the bathroom
1 pair of pliers to try to turn the water off at the toilet, which did not work
1 major digger in the slippery hallway in which I bumped my head, knee, and elbow
8 soaked towels
1 plastic tarp
3 bags of dirty-laundry-as-sandbag
1 rug as barrier from bathroom to rest of apartment
1 half naked Rene, the roommate, (in towel after shower) in the basement trying to figure out how to shut the water off, unsuccessfully
1 911 call because Rene knew we needed to take action immediately
6 firefighters, four of whom were young and hot as hell - too bad the house was a bit on the messy side - who successfully turned the water off
1 funny comment from a cute firefighter, asking if we were from the mid-west -- because we did such a good job preventing the water in the bathroom from leaking further into the apartment, with the laundry-as-sandbag/tarp/rug/towel barrier
1 landlord, with her lovely, calming Irish brogue, who helped drain the water in the bathroom into the bathtub
2 concerned (for their ceiling, which was leaking) neighbors
1 trip to Starbucks around the corner because I had not taken my morning pee and could not hold it any longer
1 undraining bathtub
1 plumber - who fixed the toilet no problem but had a hard time with the tub
1 broken drain in bathtub that the plumber thought he'd have to cut through Rene's wall to fix
1 miracle in that with some jiggling, he was able to extract the broken drain thingy and he came back to fix it a half hour later & will not have to tear a hole in the wall to do so
3 hours of "seriously, WTF"ing
1 very stressed and tired Madeline the Pin-Pin, who is now resting under the blankets on the couch
1 bathroom, completely back to normal, as if nothing had happened

This Week in WTF - Turks Make Song Time for Obama

Just watch it.

This Week in WTF - Not the Onion

These are the top three stories on RealClearPolitics's page right now. Not the Onion. Not the Daily Show. These are real news stories. How did the world come to this?

-Pirates
-Texas secession
-Ring-wing Homegrown Turrirests

This Week in WTF - More on the Epidemic of Murder Suicides

WTF?

New Orelans, Milton, upstate New York, Michigan, Washington, Phoenix, North Carlina, Santa Clara, Ohio, Los Angeles, and Florida.

If you Google "murder suicide" today, THREE DIFFERENT STORIES come up at once on the newswire, including a mother who shot her 20 year old while they were at a shooting range. The last thing she said was, "I am the anti christ." Then she shot her son in the back of the head before shooting herself.

This is so wrong and so scary. But the worst is, how do you stop it? I mean what action can be taken to prevent people from going on rampages?

People are attributing this to a number of different reason, the number one being the bad economy. I don't know. It's just--I don't know.

This Week WTF - Oregonian Fetishists Beware

The Oregon legislature dealt with this bill recently:

Modifies crime of sexual abuse in second degree to include intentionally propelling dangerous substance at another person for purpose of arousing or gratifying sexual desire.

(3) As used in this section, “dangerous substance” means blood, urine, semen or feces.

So, no reenacting German shisse video without expressed consent.

Hmmm...WTF prompted such legislation in the first place? And imagine the police blotter:

Smith, Ken L., 23, ARRESTED, Monday, April 20

for dropping a deuce on the chick
he was hooking up with.

LOVELY!!! I read about this on Wonkette.

This Week in WTF - Someone Stole Pack!!!!

Mrs Mallard, AKA "Momma Duck" giving me a kiss

Some major a-hole stole Pack, sibling to Jack, Kack, Lack, Mack, Nack, Ouack and Quack, and off-spring of the lovely Mr and Mrs Mallard of 1 Boston Common, Boston MA.

WTF???????

That is, someone stole the second to last bronze duckling statue of the "Make Way for Ducklings" tribute in Boston Common.

I feel so violated. It's like someone crushed Oscar's trash can or stole Mr Roger's car. (That actually did happen, but the person returned it and left a note, "Sorry! We didn't know this was yours!" I heard it on "Wait, Wait! Don't tell me!")

If you have any information about the whereabouts of Pack, please,as the Boston Globe says, call the District A-1 detectives at 617-343-4248. People can also leave anonymous information by calling CrimeStoppers at 1 (800) 494-TIPS or texting the word ‘TIP’ to CRIME (27463).

This Week in WTF: There is no limit to Dick Cheney's EvilNess

Dick Cheney had a secret assassination squad that would go kill people deemed a threat. It was not funded by the miltary and not backed by Congress; therefore, it was illegal.

This story came out a couple of weeks ago, and I read about it on Wonkette, but I forgot to pass it on. Seymour Hersh, the hilarious and intrepid-ish reporter who broke the story back at University of Minnesota in mid-march, was on Fresh Air with Terry Gross today, talking about this story and other Thing He Knows About, including Syria -- he's got an article titled "Syria Calling" in the New Yorker.

Long and short of it: Cheney was in charge of "the Joint Special Operations Command -- JSOC it’s called. It is a special wing of our special operations community that is set up independently. They do not report to anybody, except in the Bush-Cheney days, they reported directly to the Cheney office..." is what Hersh said on the 11th at UMinn.

JSOC, as summed up by Hersh has been, "going into countries, not talking to the ambassador or the CIA station chief, and finding people on a list and executing them and leaving..."

Fresh Air asked the Obama administration about JSOC and they said that all military operations are funded by Congress and no one reports exclusively to the office of the Vice President.

So, that's that with that! Everything's better! Ha ha yah right---

What's quite, quite sad is that the world has been indellibly changed by the WTFishness of the Bush the Second Years in office and I'm not sure that that will ever change, despite campaign slogan and whatnot.

And now that I've posted these really mature pics of Cheney, his shadow government (as described in the Fresh Air interview with Hersh) will flag me (if they haven't already, they're not really doing their job well) and I will be surveilled. I hope my surveillor doesn't have a thing for redheads; he'll get all distracted by my beauty and forget to spy on me while I blog about how cute my dogs are or poems, or post vegetarian recipes.

This Week in WTF: Nightmare in Milton, MA

Sometimes the WTF stories I post here are the funny kind, but this disturbing story is not of that sort. It's awful -- really tragic. And it happened just down the street, relatively speaking.

MILTON, Mass. (March 29) -- A man on a rampage fatally stabbed his 17-year-old sister, decapitated his 5-year-old sister in front of a police officer and then headed toward his 9-year-old sister before officers shot him amid what their chief described as "a killing field."

The perpetrator was 23 year old Kerby Revelus. The prompting of the rampage has not been unveiled, yet.

That poor family...I feel so bad.

More news here.

This Week in WTF - Company Exec Fakes Cancer to Avoid Fraud Charges

Howard Richman, formally of Boston company Biopure, FAKED HAVING CANCER so that he could avoid federal charges in securities lawsuit.

He even pretended to be his own doctor on the phone.

An AP article reports, "Richman had fabricated the story about having cancer in an attempt to wriggle out of a lawsuit filed in 2005 by the Securities and Exchange Commission and to avoid paying a large civil fine."

And now? After pleading guilty to obstruction of justice, he faces ten years in prison. What a FOOL!!! (hence the tarot card...)

Friggen Moron. Honestly, WTF?

This Week in WTF - Debacle over photo of Mrs O

Michelle Obama volunteered at a homeless shelter and someone there took a picture of her with their cellphone and then all the conservative were like, "Why does this homeless man have a cellphone???!!!!" And then a whole bunch of liberal people were like, "How do you know he's homeless? If he is, some homeless do get cellphones with prepaid cards. Often times as part of charities, so that they can get a job or search for a permanent place to live. How do you know that this isn't his circumstanc?" And back and forth everyone went for no real good reason.

But that's not what I want to talk to you about. What I want to talk to you about is this woman, Kathy Shaidle, who had all kinds of hateful things to say about this photo. It seems she never runs out of hateful things to say. Blah blah blah, a conservative is hateful. I'm shocked! Shocked!

Her ranting is not what I want to talk about, either. What I really, really want to talk to you about is how Shaidle is clearly the secret mother of another Epic Failure, one of the most WTF-i-est stories of all the WTF stories:

Kathy Shaidle is Ashley Todd's secret mum. This explains EVERYTHING!!!

This Week in WTF - Free Boca Burgers

I'm up working on writing stuff, after drinking coffee after way past the 3 PM cutoff (I thought I'd be okay since it was only a half a cup, but no) and Rene woke up from the loveseat to say she wished we had a treadmill.

So, I went to the Craigslist "free stuff" postings and found this HILARIOUS post that just blew my mind. Imagine driving 30 minutes for some Bocas? Me neither.